Thursday, November 29, 2012

Onward and....onward.

I won't say upward until I can actually move my arm upward. But, onto chemo round 2 as of yesterday. Let's just pray and wish that I tolerate this one as well as the last. Taxol has some different side effects, including temporary peripheral neuropathy, some bone pain, and of course fatigue. I'm hoping to just have those pass on by, or at least be minimal. Oh, and hair loss of course, so the very short buzz cut I've got going on will fade again. Oh well, it's winter, I'm enjoying my hats.

This is my new medical accessory for the next 12 weeks.

So the surgeon said I may never get the feeling back in the back of my arm or under it. As he said, "The body's just not meant to be cut." He obviously was very careful not to disturb the big bundle of nerves that control my arm and hand, but there are small nerves all over that can't be avoided when removing the lymph nodes, and those apparently hit the back- and underside of my arm. So we'll see what happens. It could, it could not. And as anyone who has any sort of numbness or neuropathy anywhere knows, numb isn't really numb, it's a combination of numbness and hypersensitivity. Which blows. And of course it may take quite a bit for this whole left side pain, stiffness, restricted movement to heal. But what I have come to appreciate after dealing with this pain, and it is painful, is that I have been so lucky to have 37 pain-free years so far. Some people never know a life that doesn't have physical pain in it, and after dealing with this so far, that just breaks my heart. Because, from my mouth to God's ears, my left side will eventually heal, the PICC line will come out, I won't be on chemo or radiation anymore, and will heal for the most part. And I will remember what it's like to have pain everyday but not have to experience it anymore, and I will be grateful and empathetic.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Jamie,

    The strength, beauty and wisdom that you have pulled from your experience to share with all of us moves me to tears. I am in awe at your stength to take the time to even continue posting (and with such eloquence) considering all that is on your plate right now.

    I bow to you as I continue to send you good wishes.