Monday, February 11, 2013

Mile 20.

Isn't that the time in a marathon where you've been feeling really good but then the fact that you are actually running in a marathon hits your mind and body and legs turn to cement and the mind needs some serious focusing? (Christie, am I correct?)

I ask because while I have learned that you really should never say never... I will nnneeeeevvveeerrr run a marathon, therefore, I am not 100% sure of my reference. But anyway, if I am correct, that is where I am. I seem to be at my mile 20. Wednesday is my last chemo. Preferably forever (I have really come to detest the word hopefully. It seems like such an impotent word to me. Hopefully. It just seems like takes all of the power and control away, and while I realize those are illusory anyway, still, I don't like the word anymore). Anyway, I digress. Last chemo on Wednesday. I've made it through the soon to be 16 rounds of chemo, the delivery, the surgery, the 24 weeks of labs I've had drawn, the 12 weeks of picc line, the MRI's, the CT scan, the innumerable doctor's appointments. Now, not for a month or so, but still, now.....radiation. And I was told today it may not even be 6 weeks, I may be looking at 8 weeks, just because of my age, the severity at which I presented, being triple negative, etc. etc. That's going to be my miles 20-26, where I need to dig deep with just the goal of reaching the finish line. After that, especially for the first three years, that's going to be my .2 miles. The part that seems the easiest, but in reality is the longest .2 miles you will ever do, the .2 miles that stretches on to the horizon - the finish line fuzzily visible, but nowhere near tangible.

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