And hopefully in a good way this time, not in a "oooh, what a change, you have a life-threatening illness and subsequently will have a bucket full of shit year" kind of way. :) I finally feel like things are moving...I feel forward motion and I haven't felt that in a very very long time, before BC even.
Let's be clear... I don't like change. I am an Aquarian through and through, and though we are an air sign and ethereal and idealistic, etc etc, we actually abhor change unless we initiate it, and even then it causes pause and sometimes pain. But for once I feel...not hopeful, we all know how I feel about that word...optimistic.
I've been writing - clearly not here lately - but writing nonetheless. A small follow-up piece for the newspaper, a story for a magazine contest. It feels good just to put words together - it makes me feel useful and it constantly reminds me that I still have a place here.
Our nanny gave her two weeks last week, which I completely understand. Until I start working again we just can't give her the hours she needs...and I'm not devastated, there have been any number of times over the past 2.5 years that I have started to look for someone else, but the fact that Jack loves her, and nothing she did put him in danger or anything like that, and let's face it, laziness, stopped me from following through. So this isn't a bad change, and Jack will be starting pre-school soon...but then I found out she is going to work for a family whose kids Jack plays with at the park all the time, who were here for his birthday ...umm, am I the only one who thinks that's sort of not cool? I wouldn't have stopped her, but I thought nanny-stealing was taboo...don't moms brawl about that kind of thing in New York? Anyway, whatever. But I joked to a friend that after her two weeks are up that's when I will probably get a promising interview or some such thing. That's just how life works.
I am signed up for a cancer retreat next month and I cannot wait. I stopped myself after I made the plane reservations and confirmed with the organization and said to myself, "Wow, it's my life now that I get excited about a cancer retreat?" But, this is where I am, and that's just how it is for now.
I'm making things. Maybe they aren't great - yet - and it's just a hobby, maybe no one will buy them, and maybe a lot of people will, but I am in the beginning process of making things to sell on Etsy and it's good just to start doing things that I have thought about but not acted on for far too long. Thank you to a friend who went out and started her own little business for giving me the push I needed to get busy doing.
So things are moving, and my hands are busy. I'm hoping eventually my mind will catch up and be busy too...too busy to think about other things.